i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
