Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
