The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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