I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
