watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Enjoy the penises
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
