I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
