Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
