Kiss
Puke
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I accidentally burped into my bong.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
My life is pants optional.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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