In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
