Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
