i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We talked him into tasing himself.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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