I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
