I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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