I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
