JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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