Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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