just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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