He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
