capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You smell like stripper and shame
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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