I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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