Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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