how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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