I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
