She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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