Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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