I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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