I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
