guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
