There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
