We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
