At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
