Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
