Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
