I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
