Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
