You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
