I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
