Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
