I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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