I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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