im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
