when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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