how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
