He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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