I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
