Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
