Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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