i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
