I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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