All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
