I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
