yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
