Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
