the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
