just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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